Be a writer, they said. Don’t write too much, don’t write too little. Don’t write too clean, don’t write too dirty. Don’t write smut. Smut is what sells. Don’t use bad language. Say ‘fuck’ all you want. Don’t write for others, write for yourself. Write for the market, or you’ll never get published.
Be a writer, they said. Use ‘said’, they said. Don’t use ‘said’, use everything but. Use verbs, don’t use verbs. Use long sentences, use short ones. Give your sentences cadence. Have a smooth narrative. Mix your narrative up. Have one main character, have three, have several. Write with music, write with silence, read your work aloud.
Be a writer, they said. Always write in the third person past tense. Write in the present tense. Write in the future imperfect, it’s your book. Provide plenty of long descriptions. Don’t get bogged down in the details. Explain everything as you go, people will want to know it all. Don’t info-dump, it’s clumsy. Show your reader, don’t tell them.
Be a writer, they said. Write what you know. Branch out, the only limit is your imagination. Write what you love. Don’t write genre, it’s tacky. You write, you’re a writer. You’re not a real writer ‘til you’ve had at least one thing published. Five things published. Ten years’ experience. Won an Award.
Be a writer, they said. Get on TikTok, publicise yourself. Build a Brand, make a name, engage with your audience. No, not like that. Talk about your writing. Don’t talk about your writing. Don’t give away your secrets. Offer quotes, insights, sneak peeks. Say nothing, don’t let people know what your project is.
Be a writer, they said. Read everything you can get your hands on. Read round what you’re writing. Don’t read at all, it’s a distraction. Write your first draft straight through, no stopping. Edit your draft as you go, or it’ll only end up in a mess. Be a plotter. Be a pantser. Be both. Be neither. You should complete your book in three months, six months. That’s what the professionals do.
Be a writer, they said. Write for a big press, write for a small press, write for Kindle Direct. Write for a license. Don’t write for a license. Use AI, that’s real. Use actors to envisage your characters. Don’t use other people’s faces, it’s weird and invasive. Keep a mood-board for themes and feelings and imagery. Don’t get too clever for your own good. Publishers don’t like authors who try too hard.
Be writer, they said. You’ll make loads of monies, you’ll make no monies, you’ll need a day job. Maybe part-time. Read your reviews. Don’t read your reviews, you’ll only get angry and upset. Support your fellow authors. Don’t support them, they’re competition. They’re taking your sales away. Answer your critics and nay-sayers, prove your points, establish your authority. Don’t interact with the trolls.
Be a writer, they said. It’s simple, it’s impossible, it’s frustrating, it’s the best feeling in the world.
Just “be a writer” they said.
From ‘Be A Lady’ by Camille Rainville.